A recipe for empowerment
Reflections written on International Woman's Day (see the end of this essay for a feminist book discussion invitation)
I am so greedy when it comes to seeking role models.
She is confident, generous, multilingual, and multicultural; she navigates uncertainty with fluency and lights up the space with a contagious personality. She is likely to have a curious bookshelf or a colorful pantry (food for the soul and the belly are not so different as we think). She is also incredibly down-to-earth –– she is brave yet acknowledges the inevitability of heartbreaks; on days, she wants to swallow herself whole yet her love and hope for this world will always prevail.
Empowerment is an ambitious topic to cover in one letter. I can’t possibly express everything, so here are the three ingredients that ring true to the way I view female empowerment.
Learning
We live in a dazzling yet baffling world. It is easy to lose sight of the only truth, which is that everything is connected. We have to understand everything else in order to comprehend one thing to the bone marrow. However, many factors propel us to step into semi-stagnant positions, where we stop feeling the momentum of growth. Instead of becoming restrained, we should see learning as a faithful companion alongside everything we do.
To me, learning is a journey of exploring one’s identities and how one engages with the diverse relations in this world –– it’s like being an amoeba, to shapeshift yet never lose the core that extends into everything (like a polymath, ha).
This is also what makes education so important, especially for young girls. It is not an exaggeration to say that knowledge is the only path to self-worth and self-determination. When children from marginalized backgrounds are born into an underserved environment, learning about why things are the way they are can take away the fear of the unknown and equip them with the power to change.
Humanity
The feeling of empowerment helps us embrace authenticity –– to be honest and true.
Only when we feel comfortable in our skin can we respond to this society in a meaningful way. Unfortunately, our world and our communities often expel instead of nurture our confidence –– in fact, its toxicity can crush our faith daily in sutble ways. Societal forces make us feel excluded, too weird or too normal, too extroverted or introverted –– it seems that there can never exist an equilibrium that is, simply, us.
Thus, recognizing how deeply imperfect we all are is indispensable to feeling empowered –– strange, flawed, irrational at times, yet nevertheless lovable.
Nurturing
Sometimes, all it takes is for one person to say yes.
Sometimes, it only takes one believer to equip us with the courage to try.
And in many ways, we can all be that nurturer to see a dear friend’s dreams and hopes fledge.
Very few things are unconditional in this world. No matter where we look, there’s always an expectation for return –– even the most altruistic of it all, parenthood, wishes to rid the children of extravagant mischief. This kind of mindset chains us to always measure worth based on “what has been accomplished according to…” rather than “how to live for one’s fulfillment.”
Mentors who encourage and guide us in constructive ways to explore and make connections in uncharted territories are difficult to come by. Yet when we encounter them, our lives are changed in the best ways for good.
When Eileen Gu appeared in the spotlight this Spring, I felt properly represented for the first time on the international stage. In the countless emotional conversations I’ve had with my Chinese/Chinese diasporic girlfriends, it felt like the stereotype that enshrouds us has finally begun to thaw.
Eileen is a role model I wish I had growing up: a woman who is smart, talented, confident, humorous, incredibly generous, inspiring, and is able to own her power in cross-cultural spaces. As immigrants, we are always expected to choose –– to be either Chinese or American, to stifle one side or the other. Even the term “Chinese-American” delineates merely a vague middle ground featuring white-washed bananas that don’t quite fit into anything. What if we say fuck it, we get to decide how we fit in, and that is by being ourselves.
To people who look like me, living in Western spaces (and wishing to thrive in ALL spaces), respect is something I’ve had to work hard to earn due to the silent and jarring stereotypes and assumptions around me.
Yet I consider myself extremely lucky. Having grown up in a family of strong, defiant women, I’ve always been encouraged to think for myself and challenge the status quo; my girlfriends, who live and breathe strength and intellect, inspire me each day. At the age of 18, I encountered one of the most important role models in my life, who has liberated my approach to learning and living in the most beautiful way possible (Li, if you are reading this, I am sending lots of ♥ to you!!). A role model close to my life carries an impact way more profound than any role model I encounter on TV. (I always wanted to write down everything Li has to say or just dive into her brain to see what kind of magic is brewing in there haha.)
In December 2019, as I was slowly crawling out of a very dark phase of my life, a poem gushed out of me. I titled it The Women in My Family (translated to Chinese by Poetry Lab Shanghai). Back then, I wasn’t quite clear on what this meant and what was about to change in my life. Yet I felt a sense of awakening, of things making sense, of understanding what it meant for me to breathe, and the love in this life I call mine.
The women in my family
whisper into my ears every night
as I drift to sleep.
“You can have everything.”The night spearfishes my dreams.
Only their chants echo,
softly brushing the veins of a dormant seed —
every minute,
a little longer.
Now, for the first time, I can hear the chants getting louder and louder.
An Invitation
On March 21, my book club, The Polymath Book Circle, is reading The Care Manifesto, a feminist political book that puts care at the heart of the debates of our current crisis: from intimate care—childcare, healthcare, elder care—to care for the natural world.
“The Care Manifesto puts forth a vision for a truly caring world. The authors want to reimagine the role of care in our everyday lives, making it the organizing principle in every dimension and at every scale of life. We are all dependent on each other, and only by nurturing these interdependencies can we cultivate a world in which each and every one of us can not only live but thrive.”
Time: 11 AM EST
Date: March 21, 2022
Zoom link: https://osu.zoom.us/j/91415884468?pwd=c1lqM2dHa0dWOXREOVBTYTQ4cUNMdz09
You are also welcome to join our book club here.